Lotsa linkage

I have never had an abortion. I have, however, used Planned Parenthood services numerous times over the years, because despite what many people believe, PP is much more than an abortion provider: birth control, cervical exams, STD/HIV testing... At times when I had no job or health insurance, PP was the only place I could go that A) would take a person w/ no insurance and B) was affordable.

The U.S. House of Representatives has just voted to bar Planned Parenthood health centers from all federal funding for birth control, cancer screenings, HIV testing, and other lifesaving care. CLICK HERE to find out more and to learn how you can help.

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Something that everyone should read. Incredibly depressing, yet at the same time, inspirational. And highly informative. The shit that goes on against women in our modern world is just unconscionable. Read and learn, and find out how you can help. (And a big thanks to my Aunt Mary for sending this to me!)

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We've put up a lot of stuff over at Desolation Travel of late. On the blog, Derek wrote about his time in the Crimea, and Joe wrote about the madness of Turkmenbashi. Additionally, we've started uploading some of our own YouTube creations. Enjoy!

Meanwhile, if you're interested in seeing the photos from the Crimea and Turkmenistan, just click on the photographs below :-)

Crimea: Sevastopol, Khersones, Bakhchisaray, and Balaklava, Ukraine


Turkmenistan

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And lastly, here's Charlie, being cute :-)

Tonight's Democratic Debate

Even though I don't own a TV, it occurred to me this evening to see if I could watch the Democratic debate in Nevada live online at CNN's website. While I'm not sure what clips CNN will post after the fact, I'm glad that I got the opportunity to watch it live. I hate having to pick through the things networks deem newsworthy to post on their sites - or worse, reading transcripts. That's one thing that has me a little bummed about the fact that I'll be out of the country and in a place with spotty internet next year - I won't be able to follow the 2008 election as closely as I would like. But, at least I can keep tabs on what's going on now.

As far as tonight's debate, I'm not sure that I can name a winner. I can, however give you some of my thoughts:

Dennis Kucinich is a weird little man. While I do agree with most of what he has to say, he's simply a weird little man. With pointy ears. And whom the moderators and other candidates tend to ignore. Like when moderator Wolf Blitzer asked all the candidates about Pakistan - except Kucinich. His response was to wave his arms and shout "Hellllooooooo?!" and yet he was still ignored. He was even ignored when he began chanting "Impeach him now! Impeach him now!"

Then we have Joe Biden and Chris Dodd. My problem with them is that they look SO MUCH ALIKE, I seriously cannot tell them apart. They're both older white dudes with white hair. I would type that they seem to have the same positions on most issues... but I'm just not sure. They haven't done anything to differentiate one from the other in my book.

Richardson came off well, and had strong answers. He's obviously a really smart, sensible fellow who would probably do a pretty decent job as president. But he seems more like a behind-the-scenes-get-things-done kind of guy to me, and I suspect that might make him seem un-presidential to many others. Also, he makes some fantastically amusing quizzical facial expressions, which I rather suspect mirrored the ones on my face the other night at that poetry reading.

Now, ya'll know I love Obama (I even have an Obama sign in my front window). He's such an incredible orator when he has a prepared speech (think his 2004 convention keynote speech, among numerous others. He had an incredible one that I heard on NPR the other day, but hell if I can remember where he was giving it...), but he's not *quite* as stellar when he goes unscripted. Nonetheless, I'm still rooting for him as my candidate of choice. His answer on the issue of alternative energy sources was very JFK-esque: I'm running for President because I think we can do it. Live, it was totally reminiscent of Kennedy's we choose to go to the moon speech. Also, watching Obama and Hillary go toe to toe on issues of health care, taxing the super-rich and fixing social security were certainly the high points of a debate that was, at times, dull.

Edwards has a really cute smile. I'd never noticed before. He had really strong answers on issues of trade, Iran, the Patriot Act and torture... but I remembered that because I wrote it down as he was answering. Nothing he said really stuck with me. (Also, can someone seriously tell me what has happened to this country that torture is an issue on which people have opinions other than that it is heinous and should be illegal?)

I didn't see the previous debate, but I know that the news afterwards was that Hillary didn't perform as well as she should have. This was followed up by the debate over was she or was she not playing the gender card. Well, she's a politician, and she's smooth and she covered for that EXCELLENTLY with her answer to whether or not she was playing the gender card... It brought tears to my eyes. Literally. Even though I'm pretty certain she had that pre-scripted. She gave good answers, and came out looking like a strong leader - and like a strong politician. It's that strong politician part of her that makes me wary. That, and the fact that she doesn't seem to understand that people who make over $97k/yr ARE NOT MIDDLE CLASS. And she apparently voted to name Iran's Revolutionary Guard a terrorist group. Um, no. (Although Obama didn't even bother to show up for that vote, the punk.)

And who the hell thought it was a good idea to let the final question of the debate be some lame UNLV student asking Hillary if she prefered diamonds or pearls? Stupid, stupid question.

Odd Girl Out

Today, on my day off from work in celebration of Independence Movement Day, I have to admit that I've spent most of the day curled up with a book. I’m currently reading Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls by Rachel Simmons, which I honestly think everyone should read – especially parents of girls. It’s about the ways in which girls deal with anger and aggression, as opposed to the ways in which boys do. The premise is that boys tend to be more direct in their aggression - physical confrontation - while in contrast, girls use an indirect approach known as relational aggression. Wikipedia's definition of relational aggression is a form of aggression where the group is used as a weapon to assault others and others' relationships. It uses lies, secrets, betrayals and a host of other two-faced tactics to destroy or damage the relationships and social standing of others in the group. [wikipedia article] To be honest, reading this book has brought up a lot of memories. The following is the most vivid.

When I was little, I was an incredibly outgoing kid. I would talk to just about anybody, anywhere. I didn’t worry about making friends; it was just something that happened as I went along. I was very outspoken, too.

That all changed in the third grade. Even though I’m now 28 years old, my third grade year still ranks as one of the worst in my life. Third grade actually started off quite well. T. and H., girls who had been two of my best friends for several years, were in my class. There were also other girls in my class whom I easily befriended. One of these girls was K.

K was a year older than the rest of us; her mother had requested that she be held back, that she repeat the third grade, because she didn’t feel her daughter was mature enough to enter the fourth grade. If only her mother hadn’t made that decision, I probably would have turned out to be a very different person. At the beginning of the year, K became friends with H., T. and me. My birthday was in September, and that year I had my first ever birthday party. I invited six girls, and K. was one of them. We all had a great time.

One day in early October, during recess, as I was approaching T. and K., I heard them talking; they didn’t notice me behind them. K. was asking T. to play with her that day, and specifically asking her *not* to play with H., and T. agreed. I didn’t say anything to them; instead, I went and found H., and repeated the story to her. We concocted a plan to have T. and K. overhear H. asking me not to play with K. We put our plan into action, and that act of retribution was how one of the worst periods of my life began.

Immediately, K. began turning the rest of the class against us. She made up stories about us, told lies to other students about us, and once even told lies about me to my mother (who was a classroom volunteer). Instead of playing K’s game and trying to turn others against her, we simply defended ourselves; yet her campaign of hate was successful. Within a week, my third grade experience had gone from being great to being hell. Additionally, H. and I were enrolled in our school’s Gifted program. This meant that once a week she and I went to a special Gifted class, instead of to regular class with everyone else. For this, K. denounced us as nerds, and said that because we were “Gifted”, we thought we were better than everybody else. In addition to being nerds, she claimed that we were weird, strange, and not the sort of person one should be friends with. Suddenly no one in my class liked me and H. People whom I had liked now refused to talk to me – or if they did talk to me, it was only to call me names or to threaten me. Then, to make matters worse, I got glasses. I certainly need glasses – and I needed them back then – but nothing gives third graders ammunition like glasses. I was taunted relentlessly, and called Four Eyes more times than I could count. I had my glasses snatched off my face during recess. I had them held over my head, just out of reach (I have always been short).

I don’t know if my third grade teacher knew what was going on or not. One thing was certain: K. was one of my teacher’s favorites. K. had been in that class during her first time through third grade. As I mentioned above, she hadn’t failed the third grade; in fact, her grades had been quite decent. As such, she didn’t need to learn the third grade curriculum. Instead, the teacher drafted her to be somewhat of a teacher’s aide, a classroom watchman, and all about helper. Several times I was lectured by my teacher for various actions (both real and imaginary) reported to my teacher by K. The few attempts I made to convince the teacher that K was the one causing problems were met by disbelief and/or the advice of “Don’t be a tattle-tale.”

I had started the third grade outgoing, friendly, willing to strike up a conversation with anybody, and always willing to speak my mind. By the end of the year I was quiet, introverted, speaking only to my closest friends, and often only when spoken to.

I’m 28 now; the events that happened above occurred nineteen years ago, and yet I still think about them periodically. I wonder what my life would have been like had K gone into the fourth grade that year. Or if H. and I hadn’t gone through our retaliatory charade. Or if my teacher had done something to stop K’s behavior. Would I have continued to be gregariously outgoing all through my school years? Would I have lived my life differently? Would I still have become the socially anxious oddball that I am now?

Because only *married* women have sex here in Korea.

I found this post at the Asia Pages this morning, and definitely felt that it was worth linking to and commenting on. I suggest that you all click on that link and read the post... but as I know that at least half of you won't, I'll go ahead and quote a little of it here.

...because I am not married, Korean hospitals throughout my time here have refused to give me annuals [annual gynecological exams] because as one former co-worker in Seoul told me, if I am not married, I should not be sexually active in the first place, and if I am not sexually active in the first place, I should not be at risk of any gynecological disorders.

Yes, I realize that Korea is a very conservative country when it comes to sex. However, this is a country in which fake hymen surgeries are very popular - allowing non-virgins to appear virginal on their wedding nights. If only married women were having sex, there would be no need for these fake hymen surgeries, now would there? It boggles my mind that medical professionals would think that only sexually active women could develop gynecological problems.

Disposable incomes, glass ceilings, and the attitude towards female employment in South Korea

The following conversation took place last week in one of my middle school girls’ classes:

Student 1: Teacher, you go to Russia?
Me: Yes.
Student 2: Did you go to Siberia?
Me: Yes.
Student 1: It was very cold?
Me: No, not really. I was there in May. [I take a minute and re-think my automatic answer. I mean, I did ride a motorcycle across a frozen lake and all…] Well, it was a little cold.
Student 1: Teacher, you go to Australia?
Me: No. I really want to, but I haven’t yet.
Student 3: Why not go Australia?
Me: Well, I don’t have enough money.
Student 2: But, you have a job!
Me: Yes, but every month I send almost all my money to America to pay for my house.
[all students look puzzled]
Student 1: But teacher, your father work, yes?
Me: Yes.
Student 1: And your mother work, yes?
Me: Yes.
Student 1: Then why? With money from academy… you travel!

They seemed unbelievably confused when I tried to explain to them that my income is not disposable, and despite the fact that both my parents work, I am the one responsible for financing my life. They really didn’t seem to get it. In fact, they seemed to think poorly of my parents for not supporting me. The fact that I’m 28 didn’t matter to them; I’m their daughter, so they should give me money.

I understand that one can’t judge a society based on the comments of a few middle school girls, but this definitely seemed to articulate a problem (in my view) facing women here in Korea.

I was talking with Gwen the other day about the difficulties she has had in finding reliable Korean English teachers for her school. The key word in that sentence is reliable. She’s currently looking to replace one of the Korean teachers – and while there are a good number of reasons for this, this woman’s reliability (or lack thereof) is one of the biggest issues. See, for this particular teacher (and, in fact, for a large majority of the Korean English teachers throughout this country) the income she receives from her job at Gwen’s school is purely disposable. The majority of Korean women tend to live at home until marriage, supported by their families. Once they marry, they are supported by their husbands. Any income they earn is simply extra, and thus disposable. This teacher lives at home, and is supported by her parents. When I first arrived here back in August, I had taken my camera out in order to take some pics of the school, and this particular teacher asked what kind it was. (I have a Nikon Coolpix.) She said she had a Nikon Coolpix as well, but that it was older, and that she was planning to get a new camera. Well, she showed up to the Halloween party with a brand new Canon EOS. I could feel my mouth drop and the drool start running out of it when I saw this thing. I would *love* to have such a camera, but as I don’t have $1500 to spare, I’m not going to end up with a camera like hers anytime soon. (I am in fact planning on upgrading, probably next year, to a Nikon D50, which runs around $600. To be honest, the idea of shelling out that much dough rather freaks me out, and you know how much I love photography!) But back to my point: When you don’t actually need to work, when your salary goes solely for unnecessary items, it’s hard to be reliable. You fall victim to the attitude of, “What’re they going to do? Fire me?” and you start doing things like sending a text message to your boss a few minutes before you’re due to start teaching to say you’ll be an hour late… and then you show up six hours late. (That’s an actual example of why Gwen’s looking for a replacement!)

I thought of this today, while reading a recent post and subsequent debate on the glass ceiling in Korea over at the Asia Pages. Go check it out, it’s an interesting read. I couldn’t help but wondering how much of the glass ceiling is held in place by a culture which insists on coddling women throughout their lives. Is it possible for a person to learn responsibility without ever being personally responsible for their own lives? I don’t know. What do you think?

The latest edition of WTF?! from back home

Have you heard the latest news out of Maryland? If you are having consentual sex, and then decide for some reason that you want to stop - for example, if your partner starts doing something you really don't want any part of - and you ask him (or her) to stop, and he (or she) forces you to continue having sex against your will... apparently that does not count as rape. WTF?!

An appellate court said Maryland's rape law is clear -- no doesn't mean no when it follows a yes and intercourse has begun. A three-judge panel of the Court of Special Appeals Monday threw out a rape conviction saying that a trial judge in Montgomery County erred when he refused to answer the jury's question on that very point. The appeals court said that when the jury asked the trial judge if a woman could withdraw her consent after the start of sex, the jury should have been told she could not. The ruling said the law is not ambiguous and is a tenet of common-law. [article]

Discussions on this can be found here, here and here.

In other news, the Bush administration has changed restrictions in order to encourage sex-segregated public schools. Because separate but equal has always worked. Sheesh. [article] [discussion]