(this is an old picture of Jason, taken last fall)
This little boy goes by the English name of Jason. He just started the second grade this month, although he has been studying at my school since long before my arrival in Korea. Jason is absolutely adorable, well-behaved and smart. He's one of my favorite students at Oedae. Today, when I walked into his class, I noticed that his entire face was red and splotchy. One of his eyes was swollen, as was his nose. I asked what was wrong. Apparently, he had lost 5000 won (roughly $5), and his mother was so angry that she hit him in the face. This isn't the first time he has come to school with marks on his face from his mother. Back in August or September, he lost his backpack. He came to school with what looked like a rope-burn on his face. When I asked him about it, he said his mom did it as punishment for losing his backpack. There were similar incidents prior to my arrival. And of course, the face is a very visible place; who knows what sorts of abuses we're missing. Back in the US (as well as in many other countries) there would be absolutely no doubt as to what we teachers would do in a situation like this. Unfortunately, here in Korea there is no equivalent to Child Protective Services.
12 comments:
That's so terrible. Do you think this kind of punishment is generally perceived as "ok" in Korea? What does Gwen have to say about this?
That is pretty bad. I wish there was something you could do about it.
But the parents would probably pull him out of your hagwon and you'd never see him again.
heartbreaking, but i suspect all too common here.
Father kills four year old daughter
"Experts say the major reason for child abuse is that Koreans consider their children to be possessions. The assaults are often inflicted on unwanted children by single parents, the state-funded National Child Protection Agency said.
"The offenders think their children are troublesome," NCPA official Lue Hye-sun said.
She also blamed television programs and movies, saying they often show scenes of child abuse. "The media fuel the perception that parents are allowed to treat children carelessly."
Guano Island
I think maybe the only thing you can do without getting in big trouble with parents is to firmly express distaste and surprise whenever you encounter this. The kids will get the message that you guys don't think it's ok, at the very least. I know that a lot of people who grew up with abusive parents/elders don't know that their situation isn't the norm or acceptable.
Actually, I disagree with expressing "distaste and surprise" to the children, because children tend to become very protective of their parents, even when their parents are doing something wrong. And as others have pointed out, this isn't considered wrong in Korea, which means the kids would become even more protective or confused.
I think care and compassion is a better thing to express to the children.
I just noticed in the above story the name:
National Child Protection Agency
Could an anonymous call from a Korean friend be a possible approach?
That's an old picture of Jason. I didn't take one of him with his face all swollen; I didn't want to embarrass him. I just wanted to show everyone how cute and happy he normally is.
The thing is, both times Jason has come to my class with visible marks of abuse, he has been very matter-of-fact about it, telling me that his mother did it and why. It seems obvious that he has accepted that as "normal" - in fact, the other kids in the class seem to think it's normal too.
I encountered a similar problem last year in Russia, when one of my favorite students wrote in her journal that she didn't want to go home because her mom would hit her... I told the school's director (a wonderful, caring woman) who said that unfortunately there was nothing we could do. I later had a long talk with my student about this, and she said that I shouldn't worry; this was just how things were.
In the US (and other countries where child abuse is viewed as a problem), children who suffer from abuse are often ashamed and try to hide the fact. In places where child abuse is not considered to be a problem, it seems that the children are more willing to accept this as a fact of life. Not that I want to accept it at all. I totally want to bring Jason home with me to the US!
That's so sad. He's a real cutie. You should bring him to Sweden. Even spanking is illegal here.
About expressing "distaste and surprise", I think that could make the kid feel worse. I think there is something to the notion that kids are less traumatized by something they see as "normal". If Jane expresses distaste, it may make Jason avoid her or not want to talk about it. It won't help him deal with the problem. However, if anyone sees his MOM, I think some distaste and surprise is in order.
I wish there was a way you could go to mom with a translator and tell her that if she lays a hand on her son again you will remove him from your class.
Alas, that wouldn't be a threat at all. There are so many schools like mine here in Daegu (including one literally right across the street) that the threat of being kicked out would mean nothing at all.
I thought I wouldn't see that in Anseong but when I asked one of my high school students how they were going yesterday they said "Not too good".
Follow up questioning revealed she had done something to displease a teacher and she had received a good walloping on the behind.
Personally I come from a time when a good spanking was right and proper so it's no big deal to me.
Ok time for me to climb on the soap box.
I think it hypocritical of society to say on one hand "You cannot discipline your children" then expect to hold parents accountable for their children's behaviour when the community has taken away their authority to act how they see fit to bring their children under control. If anyone in the western world should be held accountable for the bad behaviour of adolescents as they grow up it should be the community who won't let parents deal with their children in a manner they see fit.
I've seen so many uncontrollable children in the past who almost persuade me that maybe there is some truth in evolution or should I say devolution.
As an old African Chief once said "The cute and cuddly lion cub you like to play with now will grow into a big lion that you will fear and may even have to kill."
OK I'll climb down now.
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