Ina has befriended a Chechen woman who works at a small kiosk along Chui, the main drag downtown. Apparently she had been stopping there every day for various items, and the woman eventually struck up a conversation with her and invited her into the back part of the kiosk for tea. As they got to know one another, Ina learned that this woman (Zina – or perhaps Xena...) was acquainted with the president of the Kyrgyz Chechen Diaspora. Ina asked if perhaps it would be possible to meet with him (his name is Sayyid something), to interview him regarding the latest news out of Chechnya and his views on life here in the Central Asian diaspora of displaced Chechens. Zina said that she would try to set up a meeting. Ina thought I should come along too, claiming that my Russian was better than hers; it’s not – although that certainly wouldn’t deter me from tagging along on this interview!
Anyhow, during the course of their getting to know one another, Zina asked Ina if she had a boyfriend... and then, if she was a virgin. Ina’s answer to that question was the best I’ve ever heard: “No, I’m Norwegian.” She went on to explain that in Norway, as in many western countries, it’s normal for unmarried people to have had sex. Today, when Ina and I popped by to see if a meeting with the mysterious Sayyid would be possible, was the first time Zina had seen Ina since the are-you-a-virgin conversation. She seemed very excited to see us.
She sat us down in the back of her kiosk and turned to Ina in excitement. “I’ve found just the man for you! He is Arabic, and he wants сильный секс!” Now, for those of you who don’t know Russian, сильный секс translates literally into “strong sex” and I suppose would best be translated as “great sex.” (Additionally, it has a superfabulous bit of alliteration going on, what with it being pronounced seelny sex and all.) She went on to tell us that this man was from Iraq but lives in Bishkek. He has two wives, although one is sick and the other doesn’t want to have sex on account of already having had six of this man’s children! Additionally, she stressed that he is very clean and a super religious Muslim, and that of course means that he prays five times a day and that he washes before each time he prays. She also told us that this fellow is 35 (Ina is 21, by the way), and is a university professor who teaches English, French and Arabic. He also apparently is a karate instructor, wealthy, six feet tall, 200lbs and (according to this woman) super hot. He’s looking for a young, attractive, clean, intelligent woman (not Kyrgyz; he seems a bit of a racist and doesn’t like how Kyrgyz women look; one of his wives is Russian, the other, Arabic) with whom he can have сильный секс. Additionally, if he likes this woman and enjoys the сильный секс, he is totally willing to marry her and make her wife number three. Zina was completely convinced that Ina was the one to make his dreams come true. (She even was willing to bet Ina $100US that the сильный секс would be good, and coming from a Chechen refugee kiosk worker, that’s some serious dough!) Anyway, it took Ina a good 45 minutes to convince Zina that she didn’t want to have сильный секс with this random Iraqi, attractive though he may be. At this point, Zina turned to me and asked if I had any young, single friends (I being apparently too old and all) who might be interested in having сильный секс with the Iraqi.
I immediately thought of Alyson, although not entirely seriously. After showing Zina a photograph of Alyson on my camera, she insisted that I call her and try to convince her to come down to the kiosk in order to arrange a meeting with this dude. Ahh, the hilarity which ensued. In the end none of us was willing to meet up with the Iraqi for сильный секс, but at least our time spent with Zina was jolly and convivial. Of course, we never did meet the mysterious Sayyid, as it turned out that he had just left for Chechnya, where he will be for the next month.
Anyhow, during the course of their getting to know one another, Zina asked Ina if she had a boyfriend... and then, if she was a virgin. Ina’s answer to that question was the best I’ve ever heard: “No, I’m Norwegian.” She went on to explain that in Norway, as in many western countries, it’s normal for unmarried people to have had sex. Today, when Ina and I popped by to see if a meeting with the mysterious Sayyid would be possible, was the first time Zina had seen Ina since the are-you-a-virgin conversation. She seemed very excited to see us.
She sat us down in the back of her kiosk and turned to Ina in excitement. “I’ve found just the man for you! He is Arabic, and he wants сильный секс!” Now, for those of you who don’t know Russian, сильный секс translates literally into “strong sex” and I suppose would best be translated as “great sex.” (Additionally, it has a superfabulous bit of alliteration going on, what with it being pronounced seelny sex and all.) She went on to tell us that this man was from Iraq but lives in Bishkek. He has two wives, although one is sick and the other doesn’t want to have sex on account of already having had six of this man’s children! Additionally, she stressed that he is very clean and a super religious Muslim, and that of course means that he prays five times a day and that he washes before each time he prays. She also told us that this fellow is 35 (Ina is 21, by the way), and is a university professor who teaches English, French and Arabic. He also apparently is a karate instructor, wealthy, six feet tall, 200lbs and (according to this woman) super hot. He’s looking for a young, attractive, clean, intelligent woman (not Kyrgyz; he seems a bit of a racist and doesn’t like how Kyrgyz women look; one of his wives is Russian, the other, Arabic) with whom he can have сильный секс. Additionally, if he likes this woman and enjoys the сильный секс, he is totally willing to marry her and make her wife number three. Zina was completely convinced that Ina was the one to make his dreams come true. (She even was willing to bet Ina $100US that the сильный секс would be good, and coming from a Chechen refugee kiosk worker, that’s some serious dough!) Anyway, it took Ina a good 45 minutes to convince Zina that she didn’t want to have сильный секс with this random Iraqi, attractive though he may be. At this point, Zina turned to me and asked if I had any young, single friends (I being apparently too old and all) who might be interested in having сильный секс with the Iraqi.
I immediately thought of Alyson, although not entirely seriously. After showing Zina a photograph of Alyson on my camera, she insisted that I call her and try to convince her to come down to the kiosk in order to arrange a meeting with this dude. Ahh, the hilarity which ensued. In the end none of us was willing to meet up with the Iraqi for сильный секс, but at least our time spent with Zina was jolly and convivial. Of course, we never did meet the mysterious Sayyid, as it turned out that he had just left for Chechnya, where he will be for the next month.
10 comments:
I very much enjoy your accounts of life in Kyrgyzstan ... seems much livelier than your life in Korea.
Anyway, good stuff...
What is Zina's interest in helping this guy get laid?
Jane, how do you get into these scrapes? Seriously.
There's gotta be something in it for Zina. If the guy is so hot as Zina says he is, why is she so eager to find another woman for him? Maybe women are different. But if there is a hot woman, I don't know of a single guy who'd be so eager to find another man for her.
o.O
I don't know how to even respond to this one....crazy!
-Brooke S.
Anonymous, you’ve raised some interesting and important questions: Why is Zina doing this? Why is she so kind hearted? Why does she work so hard at helping others get laid (when, perhaps, she herself has not been laid for decades)? I don’t think she would be doing this for money. I’m guessing that she makes a heckuva living from her kiosk (I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a white, 2008 Mercedes C350 4Matic parked out back). No, I believe she is doing this because she’s a saint. A holy matchmaker. God sends people like her to ensure that no one goes too long unlaid.
Anonymous (the first, there being comments from two different anonymous readers) here again.
Zina is the most interesting character in this story. Here is a person who manages to quickly engage disparate people: the leader of a diaspora community, a horny (but oh so religious!) married professor from Iraq, two young western women. She may be playing a kind of matchmaker here but certainly not in the traditional sense of matching people for the purpose of marriage.
w. shedd, you may be right about her motives. I'll guess at that and more: what she is doing is , in western corporate speak, networking. Building relationships, contacts. Doing favors. And making something interesting of a life in a kiosk.
But I wasn't there and never will be. Hence the question to Jane.
Anonymous #1
yeah but what did ina say? lol
this is an awesome story. i wont soon forget our peace corps nurse who strongly warned all of the guys from "the stans" tajikistan, turkmenistan etc. And naturally the kurds were the best looking men I had ever seen in my life...dark swarthy and middle eastern with blue green eyes. sheesh. but all i had to do was remember her warnings about chancres.
i was over it pretty fast.
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